She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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