I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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