her vagine was all disorganized.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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