I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
