If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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