There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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