did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
