i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
