Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
