rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
