new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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