I want to make a zoo with you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
