She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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