i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
