You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
