The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
