I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
