bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
