I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
