I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
