Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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