JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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