i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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