I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
