Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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