I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
