I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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