my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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