Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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