There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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