It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
