hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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