I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
