I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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