what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
