I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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