i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
