Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
