Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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