Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
