I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
