Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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