dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
