I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
