She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
