It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
