Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
me + whiskey = a bad person
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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