if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
