Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
