I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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