Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
