i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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