Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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