why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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