Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
